Strength in pain.
I'm mad. No...I'm angry.
I am full on disgruntled pelican at the moment.
NO MOIRA. I WILL NOT.
Why are people such judgemental assholes?
I mean...what the fuck.
I have a friend that is going through a rough patch.
He posted about it online...and someone literally had the audacity to tell him on Facebook that he was seeking attention and affirmation.
I went off. I don't know how many F bombs I dropped...but I went off.
My best friend is going to school for psychology, and I know she would say that kind of response is just a manifestation of his own issues to write something like that.
And I know that.
Because I used to be a judgemental ass.
I mean, not on that level...but I was.
But...WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Who says that to someone?!
Do you know the kind of strength it takes to bear your soul to the fucking world?
This blog is the most catharsis I've had in my whole life.
I overshare. I know that.
Or am I?
Baring your soul and being raw and honest is something I think the world could use a lot more of.
Because at the very least, if you don't agree with someone...you understand where their pain is coming from. Where their happiness is rooted, where their trauma and joy and every emotion on the spectrum makes them who they choose to be. Who they are. Who they will be.
I'm sitting on my couch, by the fire, looking through my beautiful stained glass windows watching the rain fall...like the tears falling down my face.
I'm listening to Mumford & Sons, enjoying my cinnamon candles and cats and they have a lyric...
"I'll find strength in pain."
I used to be very judgmental. Which was CLEARLY a manifestation of my own insecurities and traumas. But I worked through those. I put in the work.
God knows, I'm not perfect.
But I'm now 0-100.
The little things that don't matter, IDGAF.
But the things like...someone's MENTAL HEALTH? I have no fucking tolerance for assholes anymore. And you can bet your mother fucking ass I am going to call you out on your shit. Animal or child abuse? An abusive relationship? An emotionally abusive relationship? Making fun of someone for being mentally or physically different?
I will fucking go to prison. IDGAF.
DON'T BE A JUDGMENTAL ASSFUCK.
The concept really isn't that hard to grasp.
Staring out at the rain again.
I just realized its December first.
I really want to make it to Christmas.
I want to see my nephews open presents.
Watch my cats go crazy over a Christmas tree.
That's my goal.
But I'm tired. I'm so tired.
Tired of nausea.
Tired of panic attacks.
Tired of nerve damage from chemo.
Tired of crying.
Tired of being scared.
Tired of being so happy knowing I'm going to lose it soon.
BUT. If there's one thing that anyone that knows me knows...it's that I'm a stubborn bitch.
So, if there's one thing I know...it's that I'm planning on being here for as long as I can.
Happy Sunday. xx