My Own Personal Bravo-Con
Aside from my fiance dying, my dog dying, and being diagnosed with cancer...one of the worst days of my life was when I found out there were 2 glorious words making up the event of a lifetime...that I wasn't going to be able to attend.
BRAVO FUCKING CON.
It's like Comic Con, but with the gods and goddesses of Bravo TV.
For those of you living under a rock or in your parents basement, according to Google, Comic Con is: "A comic book convention or comic con is an event with a primary focus on comicbooks and comic book culture, in which comic book fans gather to meet creators, experts, and each other."
...I am now realizing the irony in choosing to use the phrase "living in your parents basement" is terrible as a metaphor for this situation. Because if you are, there's a 100% chance you're surrounded with little Iron Man and Captain America action figures, still in their original packaging (of course) therefore making them collectors items, not toys. "For the last time mum, I've told you they're not dolls! They are collector items!" as you yell through your Xbox headset trying to destroy Thanos.
I've had several emotions running through my head when I heard about it. I knew I wouldn't be able to go anyway....even if I could afford the ticket, with all my medical bills there is no way I would be able to afford the event ticket, roundtrip airfare, a hotel, etc.
And then there's the bitchy little grim reaper that I refer to as Kreacher (because he's a joyless parasite that slouches and grumbles constantly from inside my head.) His favorite hobby is RUINING ANY GOOD MOMENT I AM HAVING. I don't think it's possible to give a grumpy house-elf stuck in your head a sock to set them free...but I'm working on it.
There's a lot of things I can't afford to go to or do, and I've accepted that. It's the way life works. So, I couldn't afford USC tuition? I didn't go to USC. I couldn't afford to get a Starbucks coffee every day, even while working 3 jobs in college. So, I cut back. It's what you do. But sure as shit, along comes dirty ass Kreacher who planted the beautiful seed in my head that even if I won tickets it wouldn't matter because I was so sick....I wouldn't even be here. I wouldn't make it. Fucking Kreacher. CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY DOBBY HAD TO BE THE ONE TO DIE?!
When I kick it and come back as a ghost, after having a long conversation with anyone who had even the tiniest bit to do with writing the final season of Game of Thrones, I am going to make a stop at J.K. Rowling's house because I HAVE QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS. Also going to turn in my resume for any possible upcoming ghost positions in any future Harry Potter movies. Who needs CGI when you can have MEEEEEE?!
Tangential: adj. diverging from a previous course or line; erratic
I have perfected the art of babbling off topic. Tangential, if you will. Back to what I was saying. Thats the problem when you spend too much time by yourself. Either you're talking to/singing Broadway at the top of your lungs (to your cats)...or Web M.D.ing your symptoms and then something as simple as a cold and WHAM BAM. You now have your medical degree and have diagnosed yourself with cancer of the everything and are going to die.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. I can skip that part seeing as how its applicable to me.
Thankfully I was diagnosed and didn't have to do the diagnosing. I certainly saved a lot of money in student debt. Plus, McSteamy and McDreamy are both dead (mother fucking Shonda) so I wouldn't have been able to do my residency with my future non-baby daddies.
I can hear the voice of every adult that ever spoke to me when I was a child ringing in my ears. "Well, life's not fair."
While the whole "life isn't fair" mantra is true.....it was a phrase usually spoken by a parent to avoid a sibling rivalry meltdown. "!" "But he sat up front last time mom!!" "Why doesn't she get in trouble, but I do?!" "I HATE BROCCOLI. THIS ISN'T FAIR."
But my "life's not fair" goes a little bit further than being an 8 year old force fed broccoli, btw. (Not to mention...roasted broccoli with garlic and balsamic reduction is one of the best dishes EVER.) Rambling again.
I lost the love of my life.
I was raped.
I was sexually abused.
I was emotionally abused and manipulated to the point I actually thought I was going crazy.
I had this perfect little childhood growing up, truly. Straight A's, church on Sunday's, family dinners. The most I ever got in trouble in school is because my best friend and I got into giggle fest and...well....
Like I've said before, I without a doubt have the loudest laugh in the world. So we got in trouble for being too loud.
Oh, there was that other time I "mouthed off" to the sub. He was a cunt. Even the people in the office knew what a shitstick garbage human he was. So I got to spend 5th period hanging out with my favorite secretary eating chocolate. Not a bad day if I do say so myself.
Back to my point. The reason I keep giving lists of this trauma is because speaking about it is helpful. It's healing. Cathartic. I went 18 years in this insulated little bubble with my same bffs since before pre-school, the 4 of us against the world. And then I left for college. Even with everything that happened, I wouldn't change a thing in the world. Cal Poly gave me some of the best jobs I've ever had, I lived 10 minutes from the beach. I had some of the best roommates and met some of the best people EVER. Souls radiating life and love. Devan, Kristin, Jake, Ryan, Dres, Evan, Whitney, Elaine, Monica, Bekah, Jenna, Britt, Laura, Logan....and so many more. So much laughter. So much love.
But, life is all about balance. Yin & Yang. So with the good....comes the not so good. And life takes over and hits you like a mother fucking train. And apparently that train forgot something at an earlier station, because it backed up...and then ran over me again....and, repeat.
So all I've wanted to do was make it to the holidays.
Thanksgiving...made it! AND I had an appetite. Ray and I had our Thanksgiving surrounded by our animals on Thursday, and then Friday we drove up the hill to my parents, where my brother, his fiancé and 2 nephews all ate way too much. It was fun. Rather crazy though, my oldest nephew is 19 months (aka into EVERYTHING), and my youngest nephew is 5 months old.
Then, things took a turn for the worst. I just felt like crap. I was running a fever. I was throwing up so much that my voice is STILL hoarse, even though I haven't thrown up over a week now. There is a possibility I actually damaged my vocal cords....doubtful. But to be on the safe side...I'm on a no talking diet. I'm pretty sure everyone I'm around sees this as a blessing.
"THE BITCH FINALLY SHUT UP!!!!!!" hahaha.
I ended up having to go to the hospital....for 9 days. NINE. Including Christmas Eve AND Christmas. FML.It was awful. I have bruises covering my legs from falling because my muscles have atrophied so much it's scaring even me. I have bruises COVERING my right arm because I got the idiot incapable of putting in a simple IV.
I realize it takes skill and obviously I couldn't do it, but after what seemed to be the millionth PAINFUL, WRONG poke, I put my foot down and they brought in someone else. And sure as shit, he got it right on the first try.
But even on my worst days, worst time, feeling like hell and generally just wanting to die (not really, but you know what I mean)...I attended BravoCon.
I ATTENDED BRAVO CON.
....My own, personal, Bravo Con.
Thanks to BEST, biggest, loving, compassionate, fucked up, wonderful Bravo Junkies....I have had over FORTY cameo videos or emails. And what blows me away is how genuine and sincere these messages are.
I'm only going post one, from Captain Lee. I'm telling you guys, this man is a class act and so caring and compassionate. Its about 10 min long, brings me to tears every time. He is such a good man.
Okay. So there's that. Here are the others...
To start...ANDY FREAKING COHEN. The god of Bravo...I LOVE YOU! And thank you for my goodie bag. Wearing my Mazel sweatshirt now. AND BETHENNY FREAKING FRANKEL!
Below Deck/Med: Kate, Ben, Josiah, Joao, Captain Sandy, Ashton
Summerhouse: Hannah, Amanda, Carl
MDLLA: Tracy Tutor
Married to Medicine: Dr. Jackie
SiriusXM: Amy Phillips
RHOP: Monique Samuels, Karen Huger
MDLNY: Ryan Serhant, Tyler Whitman
RHONJ: Margaret, Jackie, Jennifer, Frank
Shahs of Sunset: Tommy, MJ, Nema, Destiny
Don't Be Tardy: Chef Tracy
RHOD: Kary, Brandi
RHOBH: Denise, Aaron
RHOC: Emily, Brawny
Schitt's Creek: Jen Robertson, Emily Hampshire, Karen Robinson
VPR: Ariana, Kristen,Tom, Stassi, Jax, Scheana
...And speaking of Scheana..I have to share this story. Again. Because people with beautiful souls deserve to be recognized. Sometime a while back, she came across my blog and started reading it. Not sure how she found it...but she did. She wanted to send me a care package, so got my address from one of my best friends in "Bravo Junkies." I had mentioned that I love Nancy Drew...no, really. I have her tattooed on my arm....so she sent me a Nancy Drew book, and a "love frog"....who I named Nancy Drew, btw.
What's a love frog? Here's the back story. When Scheana was 23, one of her best friends was diagnosed with cancer. The treatment ultimately ended up being unsuccessful, and she left to be with the angels at a far too young age. Before she passed, Scheana went to visit her on Valentine's Day, and her friend had a present for her. A love frog beanie baby! It was a representation of finding her true love someday.
It made me think about things. Dying is a very nostalgic phase that when that memory enters your mind, its so overwhelming that you almost can't breathe because you are literally in.that.moment.
So make sure you make the memories and take the chances and the risks. Tell him you love him. Move across the country for your dream job. Laugh. Cry. Challenge yourself. Time is a luxury we all have....but just like all good things, at some point there will be an ending. Just make sure you do everything you want to. Or at least try. Life is hard, but it's beautiful. Find the good, spread love and kindness, and just be YOU. The world wouldn't be the same without you in it.
Also, even if I'm not here....BETHENNY NEEDS TO COME BACK TO RHONY. I can't handle the thought of her not.
T-2 DAYS TILL 2020!!!!
-xx love you all